Posted by SeattleWilly
I am always amazed when I meet a new, aspiring pick up artist and I’m asked the same fruitless question: “Can you tell me any good pick up lines?”
That is where the problem lies. Pick up lines don’t work. Let me repeat that so you understand this clearly:
Pick up lines don’t work.
Why? Pick up lines don’t work on women because they are socially programmed to detect them and have a built-in defense mechanism that prevents it. In fact, these defense mechanisms are actually subconscious most of the time. The term for this defense is often referred to as the “bitch shield”. An example conversation that illustrates this defense mechanism might go something like:
You: “Hi, what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?”
Her: “I have a boyfriend.”
There are many web sites on the Internet loaded with all kinds of pick up lines, just waiting for some average frustrated chump to try out for his next rejection. When the guy fails to attract the female with his pick up lines, he usually chalks it up to some physical flaw he has that ensures he will never be attractive to women. He may continue this process until he finds a woman whose self-esteem is so low that she is attracted to anyone who pays her even the tiniest amount of attention.
This is an unfortunate pattern that happens every day to countless men. The truth is that approaching and attracting girls has very little to do with physical appearance. Most men will go their entire lives not knowing this, which is a sad but realistic fact. Attracting girls is about projecting the proper character and knowing how to approach them without being subjected to their first line defenses.
To understand this more clearly, you must understand the fundamental instincts when dealing with females: Survival and Reproduction. You see, when it comes to mating, women have more to lose than men do. First of all, women are the one's who become pregnant. Carrying a child for 9 months is no simple matter (not to mention the pains associated with birthing). During the time the woman is pregnant, she is physically programmed to look out for the survival of her baby. Her hormones change. Her desire for reproduction drops to a very low level (since she already has a seed planted), and her body undergoes physical changes. Most men would agree that a pregnant woman is not as sexually desirable as a woman who has not mated yet (although they will never admit this to the woman they have impregnated).
The second factor to consider is that raising a child requires a great deal of resources and time. Looking at this from an evolutionary perspective, men have typically been the resource providers in relationships. On the flip side, the woman historically spends her time nesting. This social contract has existed since man first came down from the trees and started walking upright. Of course, women are fully capable of providing for children and do so very often, but it is not an instinctual trait that they carry.
A man, on the other hand, can go from woman to woman spreading his seed without the instinctual fear of hurting their survival. It is true that men in our current society often fear conceiving a child with a woman, but it is a socially programmed trait. It is not necessarily a physical instinct that exists within them. To better understand this, you must learn the (general) equation:
- Women spend much of their lives favoring Survival over Reproduction (80% / 20%)
- Conversly, men spend much of their lives favoring Reproduction over Survival (80% / 20%)
This is why men tend to cheat more than women. It is a physically programmed instinct, but not an excuse that will win a man any forgiveness. This equation explains why men are forced to do all the approaching, and women get to do all the choosing. It also explains why men spend time trying to learn those magic words (i.e. pick up lines) to attract a woman, and why women their time dressing up, wearing make up and trying to smell nice. It is "survival of the fittest" at its very core.
So if you can understand and accept this equation, how do you take advantage of it? How can men benefit from this? You have to flip the equation and get women to chase you instead of you chasing them. Your efforts to chase women are going to be the least successful, especially if you use pick up lines. If you want to learn how to do this, pick up a copy of my book "The Player's Guide to Attracting & Seducing Beautiful Women", where I explain exactly how to do it based upon biological and social science.
Peace,
Seattle Willy
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Tags: pick up lines, attraction, confidence, survival instincts
Posted by SeattleWilly
Greetings Folks,
With the advent of the VH1 "The Pick Up Artist" show, there have been some discussions lately about its impact on the community, "the game" and whether or not "Mystery" or "Style" have sold-out. I do know that the TV show has has a small impact on the community, and a minor few women have been made more aware of certain canned material. Additionally, at my latest workshop the question was posed to me whether or not it will affect the success of a budding PUA.
The VH1 "reality" show was entertainment. I wasn't the best reality show I have watched, and it was designed more along the lines of personality over form. The concept behind reality shows is that they are supposed to convey drama to entice the viewer into believing the "reality" is somehow different and better than their everyday, ordinary lives. In order to do this, the shows are edited with plot lines, sub-plots and implied dramatic elements. Many times, the "reality" of the show is completely fabricated to create a better show. The VH1 show was not about "how to become a pick up artist", rather it was about the transformation of losers into winners. The show was part reality, part soap opera, and part celebrity. It has very little to do with the structure of picking up women and only a small sampling of canned material. It has very little direct effect on the game rather than the influx it has created to the community. There has been a dramatic increase in the numbers of guys (and a few women) who have sought out the communities and the material, however. This surely WILL have an effect due to the increase in guys trying to run canned material, but the impact of that effect is yet to be determined.
Another point of contention recently has to do with the sales of books, videos, seminars and personal coaching sessions. There are a many individuals who have been in the "community" for a while that have not seen progress. Some of them may have purchased products and services and expected something to happen inside of them that would turn them into a "pick-up artist". The reality is that you cannot buy the skills. You can be taught the skills, but it requires an open mind and a fundamental desire to improve yourself. You must also be brutally honest and teachable.
There are still others who continue to fail who have become jaded in one form or another at the individuals who sell services and products that are designed to help people improve their social skills. Perhaps it is "sour grapes", which is a false denial of desire due to personal failure. This type of individual will have a much harder time of improving their skills because they are not able to be honest with themselves, much less anyone else. Instead of pointing the finger at themselves for their failures they go on the communities and claim that the systems don't work, they are somehow immoral or that they have discovered it is better to not even try. Somehow, a person who tries to succeed is suddenly the "failure" in their eyes, and the "system" is picked apart as the problem. Additionally, they lash out at people who make money from providing services and products related to improving skills in the pickup game. The truth is that they rarely know the people they are attacking, have never read their material and have a basic "contempt prior to investigation" attitude. This ends up poisoning the community and dissuades new-comers from even trying.
Irregardless of these personalities, the only person who can make things happen is you. The books, videos, workshops and coaching sessions are all designed to provide information and inspiration to get out into the field and approach women. If you fail to use the information properly or fail to improve yourself, you will not succeed. It is that simple. Becoming a PUA requires patience, experience, humility and honesty with yourself. It also requires risk and investment (time and/or money). It is not a path to be taken lightly if you expect overnight results. Becoming a pickup artist requires practice, patterning and re-programming. Everything you "think" you know is based on self-dilusion and must be SHATTERED in an attempt to make you see the TRUTH. The truth is the only thing that is real. Everything else is an interpretation and perspective, which is always at least a little bit wrong. The bottom line:
If you want to become pickup artist you must say good bye to your false beliefs.
One last point I wish to make is that the only reason the "community" exists in the first place is because there is a profit motive. That may sound strange, but there would be no "Mystery Method" didn't make money from it. The money that is put into the products and services feeds the community with material because those who create it are motivated to do so. Otherwise, becoming a pickup artist would remain a secret and there would be no community. Creating books, coaching and teaching workshops costs money and time. It is not a completely self-serving effort, but one big motivator is money. The "community" exists because men who have interest in a common idea have come together to discuss it, learn and also promote their business efforts. The business side of the community is not evil. Without it, we would have to discover everything on our own.
In the end, it is up to you. Pickup the tools that are readily available and go to work.
Peace,
-- Seattle Willy
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Tags: community, chicken little, vh1, mystery, sour grapes, jaded, inner game, false beliefs, honesty
Posted by SeattleWilly
Howdi Folks,
This is a long post about arguably the most important topic you will ever study in seduction and social dynamics. I want to give you some straight forward advice on overcoming approach anxiety (AA). I believe that AA is the single most important factor to consider in creating a positive experience with women. While there are many tactics and how-tos for solidifying a relationship with women (attraction, comfort/trust, seduction etc.), there are fewer tactics on inner-game and eliminating AA. If you are able to overcome AA, you will find yourself in a new dimension with women. If you were to forget all about the other tactics (canned openers, comfort building strategies etc.), and were just able to overcome AA, you would that find your odds of success with women would increase dramatically. So here you have my opinion on the matter, mixed with a little social science.
So-called male "naturals" are just men who have either overcome their fear or men who never had it installed in the first place.
What we are talking about is fear. Fear is the number one reason men find themselves without a mate. If you wonder why some men are "naturals" and others are not, then you can look no further than fear. So-called male "naturals" are just men who have either overcome their fear or men who never had it installed in the first place. I say "installed" because men (women too) are basically born with a clean mental slate. Yes, we have certain instinctual traits that are part of our character through evolution (replace with "heredity" if you don't believe in evolution). The rest of our character comes from social programming from our environment. Before we talk about our socially programmed character attributes, let's discuss the genetic traits.
Our genetic traits are part of us for 2 primary reasons:
- Survival of our species (mating)
- Self survival (so that we increase our chances of mating)
In looking at these two reasons, we can summarize that our primary purpose is survival in one form or another. In our bodies we have thousands of nerves that feed our brain with all kinds of information. Assuming your brain is more or less normal, you will have nerves that tell your brain what physical pain is. When you experience physical pain, your brain receives messages from the nerve endings that something is wrong. The brain responds by sending physical signals to your body to take corrective action (i.e. remove your hand from a hot stove). You also experience emotions attached to this pain which may alter your mental and physical state through hormones. This experience is known as the "flight or fight" response or "acute stress response".
That is where things break down for us humans. You see, the biological response mechanisms became part of our baseline physiology during prehistoric days when survival was much more difficult and responding to emergencies was much more common. Unfortunately, our physical evolution moves at a much slower pace than social evolution. As a society, we have evolved very rapidly from those early days before we invented the wheel. Today we have an incredibly complex society that allows us to communicate without even being present or visible to each other (i.e. you are reading my communication, yet you cannot see me). This creates a social problem because our brains are still "hard-wired" to many of these primal or instinctual traits, but we are forced to conform to social rules not present during early physical evolution.
To help you understand why you may have approach anxiety today, you have to now consider how you have been socially programmed and how this ties into your instinctual traits. You can think of the brain (your memory center) as a continuous feedback loop. In early stages of child development, the brain creates many neural pathways as a result of learning. The brain is trained how to keep you alive by receiving huge amounts of information through your physical senses and creating key pathways that are optimized for survival.
To simplify matters and eliminate all the scientific mumbo-jumbo, think of it this way. Imagine that your brain receives 3 types of information: Good, Bad and Indifferent. In other words, if the information is "good" for survival it is stored in a certain way, "bad" information is stored another way and "indifferent" information still another way. By organizing the information this way, your brain then tells you how to behave to increase your chances for survival. This is the critical part and is where men find themselves "broken". The "learned" behaviors have resulted from our experiences with life that have told us that "we will increase our chances for survival if we avoid rejection". This anti-rejection pattern of learned behavior is extremely complex and also very common among males. The truth is that most men have a learned fear of women due to social programming from our childhood years that was instilled before the (average) age of 12 or 13. After that age, we end up reinforcing this trait (e.g. fear) by our own behavior. We avoid women and it makes us feel better instantly. Approaching women throws off signals from the brain that tell us we are in "danger" and we respond by retreating. The simple act of patterning ourselves to retreat gets reinforced over and over many times until it is so deep in our behavioral pattern that we start to rationionalize the behavior. We tell ourselves "I'm just not good with women" or "I am unattractive and got dealt a bad hand of cards".
That is where the bullshit factor comes in. We begin to tell ourselves lies and we believe them. Our belief system gets screwed up and we find ourselves still a virgin at the age of 45 on an episode of VH1 with Mystery and completely baffled (and eventually we get voted off the island). The sad fact is that the older you get, the harder it is going to be to eliminate this "learned" fear. For you younger lads, you will be much better off overcoming this NOW. For the older gents, you are going to need something else. Either way, you are all going to need something that can change your life forever. Some of you will not be able to swallow this "something" all at once. Others will never get it at all and will die without ever having mated. Still others will get it so rapidly that they will forget they never had AA in the first place. Before I explain what this one thing is, let me also illustrate the key reason guys with AA are not getting laid. This comes down to two factors:
- Women do the choosing
- Men do the approaching
This is a generalization, but it holds true at least 90% of the time. If men with AA don't approach, women won't choose them. Its that simple. As to why women choose and men approach, I can only say that that is another topic, which I may or may not illustrate in another post. Just trust me when I tell you that it is the truth. Regardless of the reason, you have to learn to approach so that you can be chosen. For this, you will need to get one thing that is very difficult to acquire. It works like magic, but until you have it, you will be in a sad state. What is this one thing?
Faith.
I'm not telling you that you need to find Jesus and turn your life over to a higher power or start selling bibles. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but this has nothing to do with God. Rather, I am asking you to trust what I am telling you and at least approach things with an open mind. If you cannot be even the slightest bit open to building your faith, you are dead in the water and I cannot help you. You are unteachable. Maybe someday you will change your mind, otherwise, your journey ends here. Good luck. Enjoy Rosie-Palm and her five daughters.
For the rest of us who are sick of being afraid, I am going to suggest a very simple 3-step program to acquire faith. The three steps are as follows:
- Increase positive feedback responses
- Initiate a small social connection
- Incrementally increase the depth of your social connections
If you follow these "stepping stones", you may find it easier to eliminate your fear and reduce the "pain" you feel (i.e. the nervous and hormonal response from your brain).
1. Increase Positive Feedback Responses
This is the first step and the easiest one. It requires very little of you and is almost like a magic pill. How do you increase positive feedback responses? Its simple, all you have to do is smile. Smiling is a common trait of happy people and also one of those key attributes for the "alpha male". The trick is that you have to make smiling a habit. That means you need to smile all the time. Even while you are in the shower or alone in your car. You must especially be smiling when you are in social circumstances, and always smile at women (even the ugly ones). So why smile? Because people who smile are more likely to be smiled at. Our brain has automatic neurons that respond to smiling faces. By receiving smiles from other people (especially HBs), we increase our "positive feedback responses". We start the steps to reprogramming our brain and eliminating the social dilemma that has befallen our feeble existance.
2. Initiate a Small Social Connection
This step is pretty easy also. In fact, you can combine it with the first step if you understand why you need to do it. This step also increases your positive feedback responses, but more importantly, it reinforces the new found programming and makes it a habit. The simplest way to "initiate a social connection" is to say "Hi". Pretty simple, right? The trick here is that you are now connecting with someone else. Chances are you will get responses like "hi", "hello", "how are you" and so on. 99.9% of the time you will have made that positive social connection and you will have reinforced the positive feedback response even more. Occasionally you migh get a response like "go fuck yourself" or "would you like to have sex?", but those happen very, very rarely. The trick here is to do it all the time. Smile and say "hi" to everyone you see.
3. Incrementally Increase the Depth of Your Social Connections
Obviously, there is a big leap from smiling and saying "hi" and having sex with someone. You have to look at this as an incremental process that improves over time. After you have gotten really good at steps one and two (i.e. they are habit), you need to start increasing the interaction until you find yourself in full blown conversations. This is where your studying of the The Mystery Method really comes into play. The trick in this step of the process is to move away from superficial interactions to deeper connections. Your conversation, over time, will go from "hi, how are you" and "nice weather we are having" to "that's a really nice dress you are wearing, where did you buy it". The conversations turn into a more "personal" interaction, and making the next steps towards building comfort with the person become much easier for you. As you progress, you will "naturally" find yourself engaging on a personal level and you will do so without fear. It will happen automatically.
To summarize, this simple 3 step process can eliminate your AA (fear) through a structured "fake it until you make it" process. The steps are intended to be easy to follow and much easier than leaping into a full blown set opener with canned material. If you find your sticking point is AA, this is one strategy you can employ to overcome this fear, and ultimately acquire faith.
Peace,
Seattle Willy
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